The Definitive Guide to Washing Socks (According to Me.)

Are you struggling to wash your socks? Do you often find that even after washing, your socks appear dingy? If you do not have a washing machine, this may be you! (Then again, if you are a Peace Corps Volunteer, this may not be you, and all of your Cameroonian friends may be clucking their tongues in judgement when you turn your back.)

After extensive observation of Cameroonian women doing laundry followed by a  period of trial and error, after only 14 months of Peace Corps service, I have discovered the perfect sock-washing-system! Simply follow these steps for brilliantly clean socks.

1. Un-ball your socks and turn right-side-out. (Actually, this should be done immediately upon removal of said socks. Otherwise they remain a sweaty putrid mass whose sent will only increase, causing your visitors to wrinkle their noses and wonder, What on earth is that scent?)

2. Put socks into a bucket of water with lots of detergent and soak for at least one hour or overnight. (Depending on your water situation, you may have to haul water from the well; go to the water pump; go to the river; catch some rain; or turn on your tap.) If your socks are all white, you may want to add some bleach.

3.  Swirl, pound, stomp, or otherwise create lots of bubbles in your bucket full of socks.

4. Take one sock.

5. Rub sock vigorously with a bar of soap.

6. Scrub suck vigorously with a medium-sized soft-bristled brush, focusing on areas that often get dirty, especially: the toe area, the heel area, the sock bottom, or the entire sock depending on your sock wearing habits.

7. Turn sock inside out and repeat steps 5-6. (This is especially important if you almost never wash your feet, and then you stick your dirty feet into clean socks. Americans in Cameroon are often accused of negligence in this domain.)

8. Rinse well in soapy bucket and wring out as much soap & water as possible.

9. Place in a second bucket of clean, non-sudsy water and let rest for 5 or more minutes.

10. Wring again.

11. Hang in a dry, sunny, clean place until dry. (Consider sudden rainstorms to be a second rinse cycle.)

12. Iron or let sit around for 3 days after drying so that you do not get mango fly larva in your feet.

And voila! With only these 12 easy steps you can have socks as sparkly clean as a Cameroonian -- and hands as tough and wrinkled as a Cameroonian!